I went out last night to visit a friend in town from New York. There were a few new faces, but mostly the usual suspects. At one point throughout the evening a female friend became uncomfortable when a guy she recently hooked up with took a seat across from her. To try to console her I pointed out that I too, had hooked up with someone at the table, and it was no big deal. Upon further investigation, I realized we were all a bunch of ho-bags and pretty much everyone at the table had hooked up with someone else.
We started to talk about males and females as friends and after some careful reviewing and some questionable years in college, we both realized we have hooked up with a decent amount of our male friends. When I say “hooked up” I am including something as simple as a drunk make out session. I just wanted to clarify that fact since I have a plethora of male friends, and if I was sleeping with all of them, I wouldn’t have time to write this blog (and my vagina would have fallen off by now). There is also no time frame on this epiphany either, meaning I may have kissed my buddy Johnny once in high school, and we are still friends.
I used to think men and women were capable of platonic relationships, but like the time I thought I would look good as a blonde, I was wrong. So very wrong. Either you two have already hooked up, or one of you secretly (or not so secretly) wants to, or at least wanted to when you first met. No man has willingly taken a trip with you to IKEA without hoping to try out the new bed he helped you put together.
Before you boys start befriending me on Facebook, know that I have not hooked up with every male friend of mine because there are a few loopholes to my theory. You can be friends with a member of the opposite sex without an agenda if you two have
known each other since childhood
dated the other’s brother/sister/close friend
they are gay and you are straight or vice versa
all of the above
That is it. Seriously ladies, even if you are missing limbs or body parts, as long as it’s not your vagina, your male friends are trying to have sex with you. Even if they aren’t actively trying at the moment, they still would if you presented them with the opportunity. It’s like when someone asks if you want to grab some dinner after you had a late lunch…you may not be hungry, but you will always say, “Sure, I can eat.”